There is no denying the importance of sex in a relationship. It’s a way of connecting and communicating with your partner without the use of words and say what you want, I truly believe there is no such thing as a happy, fulfilling relationship without sex.
Unfortunately, the struggles of daily life (work, kids, household etc.) can take a toll on our sex life. However, putting your sex life on hold (even if it’s just temporary) as a result of these everyday hassles, is not the answer. Before you know it, days will turn into weeks, weeks into months and you’ll start getting used to living in a sexless relationship, probably convincing yourself you aren’t even missing it. After all, you connect on so many other levels with your partner, right? But are you really?
Having been through a bit of a “dry spell” myself a few years ago, my advice to you is to pay attention to your sex life and prioritize it just like you prioritize other aspects of your life. Balancing it all isn’t easy but then again nobody said it would be. Just like your relationship demands a bit of effort on your part, so does your sex life. Make time for it and view it as an integral part of your relationship. Never let it get to the point where you go without sex for a longer period of time. Because, once your sex life is in a rut, it’s all the more difficult (but not impossible) to get it going again. Think of your sex life as a wheel. Once it comes to a halt, it requires a lot of energy to start it up again.
The prioritization of your sex life for the sake of your relationship is key! I realized that working endless hours in a job that wasn’t satisfying was stressing the hell out me. I’d come home in the evening completely exhausted and drained and just wanting to crash in front of the TV. Sex was the last thing on my mind and so was healthy nutrition and working out, resulting in me feeling unattractive, which only made the matter worse. It was a vicious cycle, which I finally broke when I decided to quit my job and make me a priority again. I started working out and payed attention to my diet, fueling my body with healthy foods instead of all the garbage I had been feeding it the last couple of years. Not only did I lose weight and toned up but my stress levels decreased dramatically and I felt more confident and in charge of my life again. It was the best decision I ever made because I got my sex life back on track thanks to that. I rediscovered my sexual appetite as I was no longer stressed out over work and felt good about myself.
I’m not suggesting you quit your job. Simply make time for sex in your busy schedule. I don’t care if you have to plan your “sessions” in your calendar, put a reminder in your phone or if you have to call the babysitter to take the kids to the park for a couple of hours on Friday afternoon. Do whatever you have to do but make a conscious effort to incorporate sex back into your daily life. Depending on how long you have gone without sex, this process might seem a bit unnatural and awkward at first. Trust me, that will pass. The goal here is to get back into the habit of having sex. Get that wheel moving again. Once it has re-started, it will gain speed, believe me.
My next advice for women out there who (like me) “just don’t feel like having sex” is to work out regularly. 30 minutes of exercise a day is all you need. Take it from me, it will do wonders for your sex drive! Cardio really changed my life in that regard and I cannot stress the importance of physical activity enough. Working out gets your heart pumping and your blood flowing (among other places to your genitals). In addition, it releases that wonderful cocktail of “happy hormones” (endorphins and serotonin), which leave you with a little post-workout “high” and help decrease your stress levels. Sounds good, right? Believe me, it is! And there is more: Regular exercise increases our testosterone levels – the male hormones, responsible among other things for our sex drive. So, there you have it, exercise has a huge impact on your sex drive.
You don’t necessarily have to subscribe to a gym either. Walking your dog, going for a hike or swim, doing yoga at home all work just as well. Just keep moving and get that blood flowing.
Personally, I found my bliss in group fitness courses at the gym and I can highly recommend this form of workout. The group dynamic, the trainer’s motivation and the music really do it for me and I have become addicted to my BODYCOMBAT classes (a high-energy martial art inspired workout. Seriously, try it. You’ll love it), thanks to which I gained the body I’ve always dreamed of and the self-confidence to match.
Exercising regularly will make you feel good about yourself and your body and you’ll automatically feel more attractive. Feeling good about yourself is important for a good sex life, because who wants to have sex when they don’t feel attractive? Not very many of us, am I right?
“Appetite comes with eating”. This saying is easily applicable to sex as well. Keep that in mind the next time you plan your “sessions” and aren’t 100% in the mood (yet). Trust that your appetite for it will come once you get started. The more you practice this, the more you will “awaken” your sexual desire. It has been asleep for too long, it’s time to wake it up. After all, sex is fun, remember? The release of endorphins and serotonin (happy hormones) is scientifically proven.
I read an interesting article a couple of years ago, about a wife in the UK who gave her husband a gift certificate as a birthday present, promising him sex every day for a whole year. They apparently pulled it off and the article featured the picture of the beaming (of course) husband and his wife. Both had such happy looks on their faces and in the interview, they admitted that the experiment had brought their relationship to a whole different level. While there had certainly been days where she hadn’t felt like it, she admitted her “appetite”
I remember reading this and thinking there was no way this could be true and decided to put it to the test. I’ll tell you straight away that my husband and I did not end up having sex every day for a whole year. But we definitely increased our frequency from twice a month to 2-4 times a week and are still going strong!
The more we do it, the more my husband pushes me for more. I admit this gives me such an empowering feeling. Knowing that my husband desires me makes me feel worshipped and special. And that only helps to fuel my sexual appetite in return. Which brings me to my next piece of advice on this topic: Show your other half that you desire them. Ultimately, we all (men and women alike) want to feel desired. When we feel desired, we automatically feel attractive and our self- confidence rises, which in turn fuels our sex drive. It’s a cycle really, like so many things in life. Keep that cycle moving and not only will you have a great sex life but you’ll gain self-confidence too.
Last but not least: Never compare. This goes for everything in life but is especially true in regard to your sex life. No couple is alike and no matter what people portray on the outside, you will never know what really goes on behind closed doors. You might hear couples bragging about how often they have sex or how “experimental” they are. Well, that’s their reality and you have yours. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anybody other than yourself. Don’t compare your sex life to the one of others. Focus instead on bringing your sex life to the next level and on creating the best sex life for you and your partner. And most importantly: Enjoy every minute of it and have fun with it and with each other.