Ladies, I’m going to state the obvious here – we all know it and yet we often seem to forget it: Guys are visual creatures. The first thing about us that will attract their attention is our appearance. By this I don’t only mean our physical beauty (although, I won’t lie: looking like Megan Fox always helps) but rather our exterior as a whole package, including our attitude, body language, posture, style etc. Make that first impression count.
Think of yourself as a gift: Either small or big, expensive or not, it doesn’t really matter since the initial step is all about presentation and how you hand that gift to the receiver. Wrapping and presentation is key! Most of you will probably read this and think that I am being very superficial: “What about my intelligence? Surely that should matter too”; “I don’t want a guy to judge me based solely on my physical appearance! That’s degrading”; “I’m worth more than that. I have a law degree for crying out loud”. Yes, I hear you loud and clear. Your beautiful soul and all your wonderful characteristics which make you so unique matter of course but not in this initial phase of trying to get him to notice you. Remember: There are 7 billion people out there and most of them are constantly distracted. There simply isn’t enough time trying to catch his attention by reciting Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet in order to demonstrate that you are indeed an educated, romantic and smart woman.
So, it’s quite simple: To catch a guy’s attention, your appearance is the first step. And again, this is not about looking like a supermodel. Your goal here is to be well “put together”. It goes without saying that basic grooming is a MUST. Presenting yourself like a disheveled homeless person will get you nowhere, despite your law degree or bubbly personality. It may earn you a friend but not a romantic partner. So girls, take care of yourselves: brush your hair, take care of your teeth (a bright and healthy smile goes a long way), invest in a mani-pedi once in a while (something you can easily do at home on your own as well), nurture your body and dress according to your own personal style. And always, always compliment yourself (side note: if you tell yourself, you are beautiful on a daily basis and focus on the parts of your body you love about yourself – you’ll actually feel beautiful and that confidence will show, making you even more attractive. Try it! Even if you don’t believe it at first, keep repeating it to yourself like a mantra until you believe it).
As mentioned earlier, your exterior involves much more than just your physical appearance: It’s about how you carry yourself and what you portray as a human being. Now, this step requires a bit of soul searching on your behalf. Dig deep and ask yourself:” What kind of person am I really? What makes me, me?”. Once you have established the main traits of your unique personality, strive to portray that on the outside as well. In other words “wear” your personality on the outside.
For example: You might find that you are a shy, kindhearted and soft spoken person. How would you portray this unique personality to the outside world? You could start by wearing nice fitting, feminine clothes in pastel colors, lucky charms and symbols that mean something to you around your neck or wrists. Anything that reflects your “sweetheart” personality. Think “Bambi” and “deer eyes” and research make-up and hairstyle ideas online that can help you achieve that angelic look you are aiming for. Your body language, smile and gaze should match your dreamy personality: Walk slowly, in a poised, feminine manner – almost in a ballerina like fashion (what the heck, ballet could even become your new hobby, who knew?!.). When smiling, bring out all that sweetness in your eyes and tease him by looking directly into his eyes and immediately away and then back again.
See what I am doing here? I am creating an image. A look, which captures the essence of the personality.
Another example: Say, you are quite the outgoing, outdoorsy kind of gal with a great sense of humor. The ballet-like walk won’t work here. This calls for a more confident, yet still feminine (ladies, no matter how emancipated you are – never ever act as though you have forgotten that you are a woman. Always maintain your feminine vibes) strut. Think comfortable, sporty outfits with a sassy feminine (yes, here I go again with the feminine vibes. Heterosexual guys are not into dudes or girls who act and dress like dudes) touch. You could wear your hair in a high ponytail to match that confident, low-maintenance look and have a big and wide smile with a contagious, confident laugh to underline that wicked sense of humor. Go for direct eye contact, followed by a super confident and inviting grin. This is just my version of a sporty girl image. Yours may be different and that’s fine. Be creative, be unique and work on your image to make it match your personality.
Go ahead. Create your own persona according to your main personality traits and really work it until you become that person. Like most things in life this too shall take a bit of practice to make perfect but you’ll get there and you’ll learn so much about yourself during the process. Try it out, it’s fun and you can even switch from one persona to the other. The possibilities are unlimited and internet and style blogs offer great ideas to copy and follow. However, one piece of advice: Don’t fake it. Don’t try to be someone you are not. This will most likely backfire and will not work to your advantage. The goal is to become the best version of yourself, by embracing your inner self and by presenting it to the outside. Make use of all the visual, auditory and even olfactory elements (choose a perfume or scent to match your personality) available.
Once you have established your persona and are comfortable enough in your “presentation skills”(again, practice makes perfect!), you may proceed to the next step of establishing contact (see my next post Establishing contact).